I was deluded, a state of disorientation. My bodies numb but my senses active. I feel the presence of a devil watching over my sleep and when I opened my eyes slowly, the devil was closer more than I had anticipated. It was sitting atop my chest and had his dark and petrifying gaze fixed at me. This was no ordinary nightmare, or so I thought; the intense reality of my senses towards the room and my surroundings couldn’t have been a mere deception. I couldn’t move a muscle. The harder I tried; the invisible tangling devil’s rope pulled me deeper under. That’s when I realised I was paralysed head to toe. I resort to screaming out loud, in the hope of reaching out my roommates but all in vain. Even my voices were stolen from me. I couldn’t scream. I panicked. In what way was I going to express the horrors that tormented me? The dreadful presence of the evil entity never leaves, nor the mental torture that excruciated my whole being.
As nationalism took a whole new meaning with the current ruling narrative where the dominant religion is postulated as being fundamental to Indianness, the country splits. The wholesale co-optation of Caste Hindu and Jain population to the cause of the Indian far right splits the country’s population and reconstitutes India’s public into the ‘majority’ and the ‘minority’; into ‘us’ and ‘the other’; ‘nationalist’ and ‘anti-national. ‘I am an anti-national.’ I do not claim to be one, but my position is borne out from what I have been branded. My endorsement of dissenting voices against the growing fascist regime and populism, my voice and mobilisation of resources against the intolerance and extreme violence against the religious and ethnic minority which is antithetical to the right-wing nationalistic narratives of the Hindutva make me one. I am being watched. The Chowkidar[1] is completely alert and he was tweeting a national call for citizenship vigilantism to become a chowkidar like himself. Everyone else became a victim of the Night-mare.
The practice of vigilance entails a conscious and imposed deprivation of sleep, both from the vigilante and the watched. There is a hunt for the country’s ‘anti-nationals’. These armies, or vigilantes public[2] being emboldened by the legalisation of new laws like that of CAA[3] or beef ban led to the increasing fearlessness and radicalisation among its cadre. Protected by politicians and those in higher power, these armies were able to kill, maim and injure with impunity to those deemed anathema to the sentiment of the vigilante publics as violence against dissenters is rationalised as patriotism.Where violence and detestation against those who do not wish to comply with the Hindutva narrative is on the rise, there is also an escalation of dissenting voices, from the split others. There are protests, and there are anti-protest protests, urging and demanding each other to ‘wake up’; raising arms and hatred, if not slogans; violence took a toll and silence are imposed; while one mourns the other shouts cries of victory; the never ending atrocities; the never ending ends of sleep.
This is the anticipation of a prolonged nightmare. But even when in slumber, the Night-mare awaits. A visit by the Night-mare – the historically potent word for the evil being or spiritual entity that harass and threaten a paralysed victim- commonly explained in contemporary times to be the experiences of sleep paralysis is a mnemonic recalling of the past and present socio-political conditions to recreate fears, stress and anxiety. I have been visited by Night-mare, many a times; but I am not the only one. I heard the Night-mare attacks more frequently than other those branded as ‘internal enemies’- anyone who does not agree heart and soul with the prevailing right-wing narrative of the Hindutva. Navigating the pressing and urgent political tensions in my country explores the ‘ends of sleep’ in different economic and socio-political context and the mechanism of a right-wing political force that establishes sleep paralysis as a less known and discussed parasomnia but essentially a common experience. Its manifestation varied, across cultures and histories; the origin of mythologies and the source of all stories of devils and demons.[4]
Speaking of the devil, it is the manifestation of this demonic entity that almost killed the Indian media. Lilith, as it was known in ancient days, is one of the most notorious manifestation of the Night-mare and had several of the Indian media houses under her enchantment. As a Night-mare entity, apart from instilling fear, Lilith’s attacks are often thought to be fatal. Lilith is also known to seduce her victims and lure them into fatal temptations. She is portrayed to be the first wife of Adam in The Alphabet of Ben Sira, and had disputed over who should assume the bottom position during a sexual intercourse. Unlike Eve, Lilith was created from the earth, the same material as Adam, therefore she considered herself equal. Majority of sleep paralysis occur when one is lying in a supine position. Given the prevalence and significance of lying in a supine position for Night-mare attacks, the question of compliance or of defiance is enthralling at best as Lilith and Adam’s relationship ended in a dispute who should assume this position. It is no surprising that majority of hate-crime related are exponentially rising under the watch of the supine media. One is neither in a complete state of wakefulness nor of slumber while under attack; and is subjected to a loss of agency, of credibility, of accountability, of freedom and thereby become an apparatus for the Hindutva to instil fears and hatred, instigate division and illusion, upending political agendas through undesirable means and drumming up violent jingoism.
During sleep paralysis, the immediate environment is often realistically perceived. The body experiences a waking conscious state; thus, it rules out the possibility that the subject is completely in the realm of dreams and the unfolding events are not real. This is the illusion. The illusion of perception, of discernment and rational conception. Sleep paralysis is characterized by the impression or the illusion of wakefulness. This is the nature with politics of discretion and illusion operating throughout history and implicitly brought to the forefront in contemporary politics as post-truth. The popularity of the word post-truth is marked by the rise of fascism and communism around the world. Also evident from a rise in the circulation of a wide range of ‘bullshit’- from outright lies to fake news, patent and deliberate falsehood to conjure false perception, from political nonsense to nuanced and subtle propaganda, circulation of conspiracy theories, etc. This is the also the illusion where myths are perceived to be reality; the illusion of the Hindutva myths- the false notions, fabricated stories and fantasies that indoctrinate the masses with Vedic golden age, myth of the Aryan race superiority and purity, myth of India as a Hindu nation and the myth of Hindu-ness translated as Indianness, the myth of the virtues of blood ordained caste and power hierarchies, amongst others.
I was told, the best way to come out from sleep paralysis is to try to move your toes. It had worked, I believe so. That little bit of movement, mobilisation and regaining agency over one’s body seems to be the only remedy to overcome the Night-mare attack. If a small agitation is able to break the enchanted spell of the devil, so shall I try. I will not be an unresisting victim to the fiendish forces that tries to silence, paralyse and terrorise while in slumber.
[1] The popularity and success of Narendra Modi, and subsequently the success of Hindutva; perhaps, can be best summed up and attributed to the ‘NaMo Cult’-according to Pralay Kanungo- the cult that is “shaped around development on the one hand and the other on a narrative of aggressive nationalism.” See https://thewire.in/politics/narendra-modi-cult-bjp-election-victory . The cults that was shaped around Narendra Modi not only validate him as a political face of the BJP, but also as a Hindutva icon. Amongst the plethora of cultic manifestations that personify Modi as the main political figure, it was the image of the Chowkidar (watchman)that legitimise and validate it the most.
[2] In writing about the nature to which the current ruling party in India posits a narrow and rigid version of Hinduism as fundamental to Indianness, Shakuntala Banaji coined the term vigilante public in which majority public are mobilised either in ethno-cultural violence or its defence and disavowal against ‘the other’- the second citizens. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/13183222.2018.1463349
[3] The Citizen Amendment Act amends Indian citizenship to illegal migrants belonging to Hindu, Sikh, Jain, Parsi, Bhuddist and Christians but consciously excludes Muslim population.
[4] Laistner Ludwig, a historian in 1889 gave this opinion because of the ubiquity of Night-mare across cultures and folk traditions.
